worthless drivel

I read this the other day in the rants N rave section of CL. Started with a post someone from PETA placed which had pictures of animals being processed. The resulting responses had me in tears.

Response 1.

MEAT EATERS UNITE! (south san francisco)
Reply to:
Date: 2005-07-21, 8:53PM PDT


Never mind these miitant PETA lesbian fucks with their pics of dead animals. In fact, slaughtered cows, pigs and chickens make my tummy rumble, but it's the finished product that makes my mouth water! You vegan weirdo fucks can stick your tofu and hummus, as for me, give me steak or give me chicken!




Response 2.(a good one)

Open Letter to the PETA picture people... (financial district)
Reply to:
Date: 2005-07-22, 12:57PM PDT


Dear PETA picture person,
Please stop posting pictures of various farm animals being killed (or "murdered" as you would say) because they are making me gain weight. How is this possible you ask? Your pictures don’t disturb me, they don’t even evoke the slightest feelings of disgust or even mild nausea. This may come as a surprise to you, because I assume you are posting these pictures in an attempt to shock others, as the pictures (as well as meat-eaters) are shocking and offensive to you. However, to me these pictures are nothing, they stir no aspect of my soul. You see I have worked for many years in the food service industry. In almost every imaginable facet of the industry: prep, clean-up, service, delivery, ordering, management, etc. And I have done every menial and degrading job that the industry required. This includes, but is not limited to, ripping the neck/ass fat out of thousands of semi-frozen chickens (also chopping of excess neck bone and remaining feathers) in preparation for roasting. I have removed fat,bone,arteries from hundreds of pounds of raw, blood oozing beef (separated rib cages, snapped joints, sawed bone) in various tasks of preparation, I have gutted and filleted hundreds of fresh, frozen, and live fish (ripping out their lower jaw is especially fun because the guts and stuff comes with it). And during all these years I have developed a great callousness towards the visual experience of flesh mutilation. In fact, the years of repetition has classically conditioned me associate flesh mutilation with eating, because after I do these tasks I cook then I eat.
This is where the problem arises. I no longer work in the food service industry, I have graduated and now am one of the many drones who blankly stair at a computer screen as required by my position in some nameless multi-national corporation. So to pass time (like everyone here) I didle with r&r. And for the last couple of days you and your friends have been posting your "pet" pictures under unassuming titles. This is a great problem for me because I click on any link with a picture in the hopes of seeing beautiful boobies, a nice round booty, a kitty holding a gun, G.W. looking like an idiot, or even Eric Estrada calling me a homo. But when I click your links I see dead animals and it makes me hungry (you cant fight classical conditioning, its science). In the past couple of days I have eaten more than I can remember. Yesterday for breakfast I skipped the usual bowl of cereal because I had an insatiable craving for bacon, eggs, cheese, and more bacon. For Lunch I gave my falafel (which I love) away to a homeless guy just because I needed a gigantic cheese burger and when I went to Carls Jr. and got a double western six dollar burger, I cried because I was scared there wasn’t enough beef on my bun. Last night I tried to tone it down on the meat (I usually eat very healthy) and ordered my favorite dish from "my" Vietnamese place, vegetarian Pho. But when the steaming bowl of noodles came before me I became enraged and sent it back, demanding it be filled with as much raw beef as possible. When it returned I was in such frenzy I ate all the raw beef with my hands (right out of the scolding hot soup)!!! I cannot keep eating like this. I am a fit guy and I can already feel myself gaining weight. So I am pleading please stop with the pictures, my heart and arteries cannot take much more of this.
To make matters worse, I have a special engagement next weekend and if I keep gaining weight I will not be able to fit into what I want to wear. You see, I have this totally kick-ass pair of LEATHER pants and they fit just perfect (they show of my meaty ass). Plus I just bought these amazing alligator skin boots and matching snake skin shirt. If I can’t wear my alligator boots/leather pants/snake skin shirt outfit to Bubba's ALL MEAT BBQ EXTRAVAGANZA!!! next weekend, I think I'm gonna cry myself to sleep on my baby otter skin blanket and duck feather comforter.



Thanks!!


ps If I can’t fit my fat feet into my baby seal fur slippers, there is gonna be hell to pay.